My eyes filled with tears as I stepped out the door to run yesterday evening.
I wiped them away and checked my appearance in the mirror.
“My eyes are so puffy” I thought to myself, “I really need to get it together”.
I took a deep breath and headed out.
Let me back up.
Allow me to explain why I this post is so very different from every other post I have written.
A week ago, I took my 14 year old cat, Max, into the vet to biopsy a large bump on the inside of his mouth.
I don’t have children, so this cat and his brother, are the closest thing that I will probably ever have to children.
They have been my everything.
They are the ones I wake up to every morning.
The ones I talk to before I go to sleep.
The ones I cry to when I have had a bad day.
The ones I laugh with.
When I received a call from the Veterinary Surgeon two days ago confirming that Max has a very common, but aggressive and deadly form of oral cancer called “squamous cell carcinoma”…
I felt the walls cave in.
My heart shattered into a million pieces and I was filled with an intense pain that I, in my 33 years on this planet, had never before felt.
In light of the millions of tragedies that occur in this world on a daily basis, and even more specifically, the events that took place in Orlando last weekend- I know that my pain and suffering can’t even begin to compare to the hurt that so many people are feeling at this very moment.
But, I have to get this out or else it will eat me alive.
I am struggling.
I am hurting.
I feel lost.
And I don’t know what to do.
In two weeks time, I will drive my best friend to the vet and lay him down to sleep for the last time.
And then he will be gone.
The fact is that after I wiped away the tears, stepped out the door and began to run yesterday, I felt better.
In that moment the pain dissipated.
I was free.
All that mattered was the road in front of me.
The road became my solace, my comfort, and my counselor.
During this dark and stormy time of my life, I will run.
I will run because right now, it is the only thing that makes sense.